Couples Therapy in San Francisco, California
For partners caught in painful cycles who want to better understand each other, repair connection, and build a more secure relationship.
When your relationship feels stuck, disconnected, or strained
Even strong relationships go through difficult seasons. Over time, stress, conflict, emotional distance, communication breakdowns, unmet needs, or unresolved hurts can leave couples feeling disconnected from one another - and from the relationship they once imagined.
You may still love each other deeply, yet find yourselves repeating the same arguments, feeling misunderstood, walking on eggshells, or struggling to reconnect after conflict. Sometimes the relationship feels tense and exhausting. Other times, it feels emotionally distant, lonely, or "fine" on the surface while something important feels missing underneath.
Couples therapy can help you better understand the patterns keeping you stuck and create healthier ways of communicating, connecting, and relating to one another.
What if Healing Could Take You From...
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Having the same argument over and over without ever really resolving it
Communicating in ways that help you both feel heard and understood
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Feeling more like roommates than romantic partners
Rebuilding emotional connection and intimacy
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Getting defensive, shutting down, or escalating when conflict happens
Navigating difficult conversations with greater understanding and care
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Feeling like your partner just doesn't understand what you need
Expressing your needs in ways your partner can better hear and respond to
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Holding onto resentment from past hurts or unresolved conflict
Repairing old wounds and rebuilding trust
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Feeling alone even when you're together
Feeling more emotionally connected and secure in your relationship
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Blaming each other for what isn't working
Understanding the cycle you're both caught in - and learning how to change it together
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Wondering whether your relationship can actually get better
Creating greater clarity about what you both want and how to move forward
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Feeling like you're constantly protecting yourself from each other
Feeling safer being vulnerable, open, and emotionally honest with one another
My approach to couples therapy is warm, direct, and collaborative. Rather than deciding who's right or wrong, we'll slow down the patterns happening between you, understand what each of you is experiencing underneath your reactions, and help you create a relationship that feels more connected, secure, and fulfilling.
The problem is often the pattern - not the people
Many couples assume their struggles mean they are incompatible or failing. In reality, most couples get caught in protective relationship patterns that develop over time.
One partner may pursue connection while the other withdraws. One may become reactive while the other shuts down. Underneath these cycles are often deeper emotions: fear of rejection, feeling unseen, longing for closeness, difficulty trusting, or uncertainty about how to safely communicate needs.
In therapy, we work to slow these patterns down so both partners can better understand what is happening beneath the surface - and begin responding to one another differently.
For more on the research behind why couples get stuck in these cycles, see The Gottman Institute on solvable vs. perpetual problems in relationships .
How we'll work together
Understand Your Cycle
We'll identify the patterns you tend to fall into as a couple - how conflict begins, what happens when emotions run high, and the ways each of you responds when you feel hurt, misunderstood, or disconnected. Instead of focusing on who's right or wrong, we'll get curious about what's happening between you.
Rebuild Connection
We'll slow down the moments where you lose each other and uncover the emotions and needs underneath your reactions. You'll practice communicating in ways that help you feel more heard, understood, and emotionally connected - even during difficult conversations.
Create a New Way Forward
Insight matters, but the goal is to change what happens outside the therapy room. Together, you'll develop healthier ways to communicate, navigate conflict, repair after disconnection, and show up for one another so your relationship can feel more secure, connected, and fulfilling.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if my partner and I have very different perspectives on what's wrong?
That's incredibly common. Couples therapy isn't about determining whose version is correct. We'll work to understand each person's experience and the cycle happening between you so you can begin seeing the problem as something you're navigating together rather than something one person is causing.
What if we keep having the same argument over and over?
Recurring arguments are often about more than the issue you're discussing on the surface. We'll slow those moments down and explore the emotions, needs, and protective responses underneath them so you can begin responding to each other differently.
Does couples therapy mean our relationship is in serious trouble?
Not at all. Some couples come to therapy during a crisis, while others simply recognize patterns they don't want to carry forward. Couples therapy can help you strengthen communication and connection before problems become more deeply entrenched.
What if one of us is more invested in therapy than the other?
It's common for one partner to feel more comfortable or motivated about starting therapy. You don't both need to arrive equally enthusiastic. What matters is having enough willingness to show up, be curious, and explore what's happening in the relationship together.
Other services
Couples work is one way we can begin. These other offerings may also support you.
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Individual Relationship Therapy
You can also do this work on your own - making sense of your needs, your reactions, and the patterns you bring into the relationship.
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Therapy Intensives
When a painful argument or a big decision needs more than 50 minutes, an intensive gives you both time to stay with it instead of stopping just as you get somewhere.
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Attachment Wounds Therapy
If the same hurt keeps getting activated between you - reaching and withdrawing, fearing you'll be left - we can look at the attachment patterns underneath the cycle.
You don't have to keep having the same fight
Relationships are not built by avoiding conflict entirely - they are built through emotional safety, repair, honesty, and connection.
Whether you feel disconnected, stuck in painful cycles, or simply want to strengthen your relationship before things worsen, couples therapy can help you reconnect with yourselves and each other in a more meaningful way.
Meet Elisenda
I'm Elisenda, a relationship therapist who helps couples understand what's happening beneath the conflict, distance, and recurring arguments that can leave both people feeling misunderstood. I bring warmth, honesty, and plenty of humanity into the room while helping you have the conversations that can be difficult to have on your own.
I work with couples who love each other but have found themselves stuck in patterns they can't seem to change. Whether you're struggling with communication, emotional disconnection, trust, intimacy, or the same fight happening over and over, we'll work to understand the cycle between you and create a different way of relating.
I'm passionate about this work because I believe our closest relationships have an enormous impact on the way we experience our lives. Helping two people move from protecting themselves against each other to actually feeling seen, understood, and connected again is some of the most meaningful work I get to do.